As women navigate the complex world of dating and relationships, it is important to recognize the fine line between being supportive partners and becoming de facto wives.
This phenomenon is particularly prevalent among women over 34 years of age, who may feel pressure to settle down or take on more responsibilities in their relationships. However, playing “wife” to a boyfriend when you are still in the girlfriend phase has severe consequences. Therefore, women should avoid taking on wifely duties too soon.
When you start taking on excessive responsibilities, you risk losing your sense of self. Your identity becomes entwined with your partner’s, making it challenging to maintain your individuality.
According to Deborah Tukahirwa, a marriage counselor, playing wife creates an unequal power dynamics where you are shouldering more responsibilities and emotional labor. This leads to feelings of resentment and frustration.
“Because such a mature woman has shoulder responsibilities and emotional labor, in case the marriage she is working for does not come through, such a woman ends up becoming resentful and frustrated.
A woman who has gone through this will always be angry and discredit the marriage institution,” said Tukahirwa.
According to Anthony Kwizera, a resident of Najjera II, if a partner is not willing to commit to a formal relationship or marriage, it is important to reevaluate the dynamics.
Playing wife without a clear commitment often leaves one vulnerable to emotional hurt.
“I have a friend who was dating a girl in her mid-30s. Fridah was literally behaving like a wife. She bought things for the house, and every weekend, the house was full of visitors who she cooked for and welcomed like a good wife,” Kwizera said.
According to Helen Kemigisa, by focusing too much on your partner’s needs, you miss out on personal growth, career advancement, and nurturing meaningful friendships.
“I played wife material to a relationship that had no future. During that time. I cut off all my friends busy working for love.The time I should have spent furthering my education, I would rush home to cook for a boy friend who never had me in his future plans. I regret all the wasted time that you never gave other men a chance who probably would have taken the relationship to another level,” Kemigisa said.
While being a supportive partner is essential, it is vital to maintain one’s individuality and avoid taking on excessive responsibilities too soon.
Women over 34 should prioritize their own needs, focus on personal growth, and reevaluate relationships that do not align with their goals and aspirations. Remember, being a girlfriend is not a dress rehearsal for marriage. It is a unique and valuable experience in its own right.
